Today was one of those rare days (no, really rare... think unicorn in a haystack located in a frozen hell with flying pigs riding singing fat ladies) that we had NO outside plans... no birthday parties, no client visits for me, no major errands to run, no lessons or classes of any sort for any child or adult. So what did we do? The great domestic American summer pasttime! YARDWORK!  Super exciting, hunh?  We spent the morning dragging all the kids through Home Depot in search of the perfect lawnmower and left with a weed whacker and stuff to start an herb garden. Heh. The kids were troopers and only whined about half the time so I consider it a successful venture. After that it was off to the grocery store, then to a park for a picnic lunch followed by another trip to the grocery store to get the stuff we forgot from the first round, and THEN home to whack the weeds and plant the herbs!

One of the fun things about blending a family (well, fun for me anyways) is the looks I get in public when they see me out with all four kids. While Matt was meticulously scrutinizing weed whackers, I was parked with the cart a few feet away playing "pick up the sippy cup the baby keeps dropping and handing it back to her because I'm a dumbass" while Boozer told me jokes and Bucket and Bean pulled on the drawstrings of my skirt. The drawstrings had a purpose... I don't really have eyes in the back of my head, so by turning my skirt around and letting each of them have a string to hold, I know they are within the general vicinity and I don't actually have to look at them. The sweet older woman across the aisle who was observing the chaos smiled sweetly and said "They're so beautiful!" to which I gave an easy, "thanks!" and a smile. It took me awhile to get here though. The first few times I got a "They're all so well behaved!" or a "Wow that's a lot of kids!" I'd panic and say "oh they're not all mine!!" like I was going to offend Bean by accepting that he was a) well behaved or b) a child in my care. Now I just smile and thank them for whatever they said. I love it when my little flock attracts positive attention. While I usually have a little voice in my head saying "Seriously? This lady must be high." I also have a voice saying "what does *she* see that you don't see?" and I'm given an opportunity to appreciate what a gift I have surrounding me despite the chaos of having my skirt yanked down in the middle of Home Depot as I bend for the sippy cup at the same time Bean and Bucket decide to waterski with my skirt strings. These kids ARE beautiful and I get the joy of seeing that beauty grow every day. 

The rest of the day was blissfully domestic and normal. One of us inside with the sleeping baby cleaning the kitchen and preparing dinner while the other one destroys the overgrown forest that is my yard. The kids checked almost everything off the "typical summer day" checklist: Found roly-poly bugs and made "habitats" in jars. Bucket's was full of flowers, Bean's was full of dirt. Pretty predictable. They chased down the ice cream truck with money from the Tooth Fairy. They rode bikes, played with sidewalk chalk, got sunburned, "helped" us in the yard and we capped it all off by filling up the kiddie pool and letting them loose. We grilled burgers and corn on the cob with my mom, made margaritas and ate outside on the deck in the beautiful Seattle sunlight. Days like today don't happen often for single parents... if ever. As a single parent, you learn quickly that you will only be able to get half of the things done while the kids are awake. The rest has to wait (or be skipped).  

We are on the path towards big-happy-family and though it's still a few months off, when there are days that go swimmingly, we take it as a sign that we're doing it right and the kids are adjusting well. It is never easy when bedtime rolls around and Matt and Bean have to pack up and head to their house, but we know that the kids aren't quite ready for full time family-hood. I know our patience will be worth it when we merge with the confidence of having followed the pace set by our kids and letting them know through our actions that they are important, stable and loved. 

Since I can't really find a good place to start... I'll just start with today:
A normal Monday:

8:15 get up {late} scream at kids to get dressed. 
8:16 Oil my brand-spankin-new-tattoo as it is burny and unhappy
8:19 Send them back to their dressers for clothes that match
8:30 breakfast, pack lunch, fill out camp forms for Ramona
8:57 leave for Ramona drop off
9:32 started making this blog, interrupted by Baby a dozen times as she proudly wielded her new baby sign for "milk" and nursed for appx 33.4 seconds each time.
10:13 Baby Pooped! {a celebratory occasion for the constipated lil thing}
10:15 Baby Nap! {must've been a tough poo}
10:16 returned to blog, only to be distracted by Facebook {Funny memes!}
11:30 Oil tattoo again. Owie.
11:45 Leave to go get Hulk from preschool
12:20 return home and started this blog post
*** what the rest of the day will look like:
soonish- Make lunch
after that- Baby Nap!
During baby nap- clean the kitchen, living room, and do laundry
3:15 leave to go get Ramona
4:00ish Matt home
4:01ish Kate jumps in shower 
5:00 dinner prep
5:45 leave to visit new birth client
5:46 forget my wallet, run back inside
6:00 Matt shovels dinner in the kids
7:15 Girls' dad comes to get them 
7:20 Matt takes Hulk and baby back to his apartment 
8:00 Kate returns home to Matt's apartment because we stay there during the days the older girls are with their dad. 

Mondays are bittersweet... I kiss the girls goodbye for 3 nights and I have to pack up all my stuff to re-home the baby and I at Matt's place. We are easing the children into what a blended family will feel like. This means baby steps:
- Hulk began attending the same preschool as Princess and he is with me in the afternoons now. 
- The three nights per week that Ramona and Princess are with their dad, Baby and I stay with Matt and Hulk. This is so Hulk can get used to seeing me in the mornings as well as giving him more exposure to the willfull destruction tactics of a spunky one year old. 
- Hulk has begun to stay the night at my house randomly. We let him stay here at his request for a "sleepover" a few times per month. He has his own bed here (in the same place his bed will be located in September when they move into this house) and so far, this has gone swimmingly!
- Matt has stayed over once now, and the girls were excited to see him here in the morning. 

We are working towards easing the kids into a blended family. For the most part, we follow their lead and when we notice that one (or some) of them is acting out or tells us that they need more time with just their parent, we oblige. We are taking it day by day and sometimes, hour by hour!  All of the children have their own set of changes happening in their life and in their developmental stage so being aware and observant is our number one priority. 

And with that, I need to go make lunch! Baby is eating half a chocolate bunny and I'm not sure where she got it... ew!

How does a couple celebrating six months together find a moment to breathe (and maybe even sneak a kiss!) when they are at a gigantic indoor water park surrounded by swimsuit-clad children screeching for "ONE MORE TIME!" down the Crazy Rapids Slide and waving MagicQuest wands at each other/the walls/their own foreheads/my coffee?

The answer:  Whenever you can. Part of making any relationship that involves children survivable is making sure you take time for yourselves as a couple. Everyone knows that, but it's much easier said than done. 

We snuck a lovely few moments of peace during breakfast in our hotel room on the first day. The kids were happy playing and eating inside so we snuck to the balcony with our Starbucks and a pile of bacon and fruit while we listened to the soft rushing of the interstate through the trees just past the parking lot... we pretended it was a meadow and the interstate was a river. It totally worked. 

Being that Friday was our 6month-aversary, we decided to steal some "us" time Thursday evening after bedtime. Ahhh... bedtime... that blissful moment when the children are quiet, and the adults can collapse on the stupid-small hotel room couch and steal a moment. So here we sat: pruny-fingered, smelling of chlorine and exhausted yet so blissfully happy that we had found a moment. We flicked on the hotel room fireplace, popped the bottle of overpriced {and sadly disgusting} "Great Wolf Lodge" private label red wine and curled up on the floor. I dug out the 70% dark chocolate bar I'd snagged at Whole Foods in an attempt to be romantic AND Paleo.  

We toasted us, we toasted happiness and what a gift it is that we found each other at the moment in our life that we did. We never talk of "oh I wish I'd found you sooner" because we firmly believe in wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey stuffs and wouldn't dream of messing with the time streams our lives have followed thus far. We are grateful to be where we are and thankful for all we've learned. Six months in... and a lifetime ahead. 

Returning from Portland, I knew I was ready to include the older girls in this new part of my life.  I struggled with it because we were barely one year out from the divorce and they were doing so well adjusting to their life's new normal.  I decided to take it slow and work my mommy-manipulation into it just for kicks.  

Before I introduced him to the girls, I had Boozer make a list with me one day while we were driving in the car.  She titled it "Boyfriend Material" and it was a list of all the qualities I should look for if I ever began to date. This is actually a conversation I'd had with her off an on since the summer as a way to feel out how she would react to a boyfriend if I ever found one. I MAY have had some influence over her list {below} but honestly, for the most part that stuff was hers. Bucket contributed one aspect: he must be nice to me. I think I got a little misty wondering if she interpreted the fights I'd had with her father before the divorce as him not being "nice" to me (which is not the case) but decided to just go with the logic that she is four and "being nice" is a core value to any four year old.  I think the list turned out quite nicely...

So the day arrived and we kept it low-key... a random meeting and dinner at Jack-in-the-box followed by a trip to Krispy Kreme. The girls were smitten but Matt and I played it cool.  Bit was the only one we really worried about because by this point she was enamored with Matt and was desperate to have him hold her.  We survived the night and while driving home, I asked the girls if they wanted to hang out with Matt and Bean again and I got a resounding "YES!"  

Throughout the month, we kept our time together with the girls brief and focused on them getting to spend time with him. Boozer loved that he played guitar and he showed her a few chords on her own little pink Hello Kitty guitar. Bucket and Bean were fast friends and I was able to slip it to the girls after a few weeks of neutral interaction that I thought he was cute. My little feminists were hot on the heels of that confession with "you should ask him out on a date!!!" I held back laughs and waited for the time to feel right. Matt called and "asked me out to dinner and a movie" one night while the girls were in earshot. Boozer was blushing red and so excited for me, nodding her head with an enthusiastic "YES!" while the phone conversation continued. We faked our "first" date well... the girls helped pick out my outfit and Boozer did my hair for me and helped with my makeup. I absolutely loved spending that time with them. Those little moments are so vital to kids... letting them know you want them to be involved in your life makes them feel so loved and important.  

Matt and I saw "The Hobbit" and the following morning I gushed to the girls about it when they asked. I relished in the fact that the girls were embracing my new love and didn't seem to have any issues... so far!

The second half of November saw an EPIC Star Wars birthday party for my young Jedi Princess. She had recently discovered the power of the force and it was pure torture planning such an epic geeky shin-dig knowing Matt wouldn't be there. Part of our investment into our future was making REALLY sure that he and I were headed somewhere permanent before I brought him to the girls. Boozer and Bucket had been through many changes in the past year and with their dad's recent engagement and them expecting a new baby in the spring, I didn't want to throw more people into their lives unless I intended to keep them there. 

November also was a waiting game for girl-Adrienne. Her parents were planning a home VBAC and I had agreed to come attend her labor... in Portland. Matt and I also had a trip planned for Portland to see Springsteen and get away and just *be* for a day. Enjoy a long drive with no "are we there yet"'s and sleep in a bed that isn't full of pull-up clad preschoolers and a nursing baby. The question remained: would girl-Adrienne arrive before our trip? Or after? Or *gulp* during?! 

The answer turned out to be "before". RIGHT before. Maureen's labor kicked into gear on Monday afternoon, prompting my distance-doula-partner, Sean, and I to hop in her Subaru and head out! I brought Baby along for this birth because she was still so little and wear-able, and Maureen was fine with her presence. We rolled into her driveway after midnight and Maureen was still in early labor. Sean and I took shifts, sleeping and sitting with the Maureen. Her labor as a VBAC'ing mama had an extra level of emotional challenge for her and her team of midwives, doulas and her amazing husband kept her grounded through the night and the better part of Tuesday. She delivered her daughter into her arms in the birthing tub in her living room and it was an absolutely spectacular birth!  Sean and I packed up and headed back home, with her dropping Baby and I at Matt's apartment just after bedtime on Tuesday. I slept like a corpse and was able to get up and head up to pass Baby of with her dad in the morning. That was it! We were off!!!  Portland or bust!

The trip was beautiful... we checked into our hotel, got all gussied up and went wandering around the city in search of a good place to eat. The running theme for the past week had been that Mr. Scroodge-Matt "doesn't like" Christmas... and as luck would have it, Mr. I-Love-Beer-Matt and I stumbled across a Holiday Ale Fest a block from the hotel. We found a lovely place with amazing food and drinks for dinner, hopped a cab to the concert and I showed him the amazing concert skillz of The Boss. Afterwards, we attempted to find a cab back and then decided that we could easily walk the 1.3 miles back to the hotel. It was lovely exploring the city in the dark of night. The next morning, we found a cafe for breakfast, packed up the car, wandered the city a bit more {stopping at VooDoo} and took a slow route home after checking in on Maureen and girl-Adrienne. It was a *perfect* trip. In the span of 72 hours, I'd driven to Portland and back twice, and both were for such lovely reasons, that I've now associated that stretch of I5 as a lovely bit of land that leads me to happy things! 

So October was amazing and we headed into November flying high on dopamine in that adorable {nauseating} puppy-love phase. Texts were never more than 5 minutes apart, my therapist cautioned us against spending "too much" time together and we grudgingly took her advice. We struggled with a few recurring issues that (I think) are normal given our circumstances. I was still finishing up the last of my healing from my divorce and it was the kind of healing that couldn't be addressed until a new partner entered into my heart. I viewed it as a big cave that had areas I still needed to explore but I wouldn't have been able to find them without my flashlight. Matt was my flashlight.  Knowing this was the case, I held back a LOT of feelings that were brewing as we moved forward and I was very open about it with him. I know it was hard for him, and I credit a lot of our success to his patience during November. He was open about it when he got frustrated by my pace but he was confident that it would be worthwhile. 

November was when we both realized this was WAY more than a fling... we had really found someone that fit every facet of what we thought we could ever want... and we needed to make sure we didn't mess it up. We strengthened our friendship, we talked about our pasts and shared the parts of ourselves that we had nurtured and grown since our first marriages failed. Finding someone with the emotional intelligence to handle these kinds of introspective discussions made us really excited! PLUS! We both loved Star Wars!!! 

Part of Matt's "hazing" into being in a relationship with a birth doula began in November. It was the month that I had agreed to be the doula at the home births of two very dear friends and both of those births threatened to fall on our planned getaway at the end of the month to see Bruce Springsteen in Portland. Both of those lovely mamas planned on naming their babies Adrian/Adrienne as well... and the babies are forever distinguished as boy-Adrian and girl-Adrienne. We booked the trip, crossed our fingers and daydreamed about what it would be like to be kid-free and far away for 36 hours.  

Well, as luck would have it, Boy-Adrian decided to arrive on a Tuesday and Morgan labored hard and beautifully before calling us all in to help her with the delivery. I had sent all the girls off with their dad so I could be ready to go and I'd been checking in with Matt because he knew that this birth would be a strong one for me emotionally.  My work is usually emotionally taxing but it is especially emotionally charged when you are assisting someone you love through the pains and endurance of labor. Though I know that labor is a normal process, seeing someone you love endure the emotional and physical pain of birthing is something that I like to plan a bit more self-care for. I was present when Morgan had her daughter 2 years before and she is my best friend and held my hand through two of my babies so the connection with her while she births is very strong.

Knowing that I was at boy-Adrian's birth and needing to focus on Morgan, when Matt woke on that fateful Tuesday with a severe gallbladder attack, he dropped Bean off at daycare and drove himself to the ER. As he lay in agony curled up on a couch in the waiting room, I was texting him giddy messages about the beautiful job my friend was doing and how gorgeous (and huge) her sweet baby boy was.  Only as I was driving to get Bucket from preschool did he calmly text "can you talk?" so I called and just about threw the phone out the window when he told me what had happened, where he was and that they planned surgery that afternoon to remove his gallbladder. I replied with a simple, "I'll be there in an hour" and though he seemed surprised, I didn't flinch. I called my friend Matilda and being that she has endured gallbladder removal surgery herself, she was instantly on board with taking my kids. I scooted off to the hospital and parked by his side to distract him until they wheeled him into the OR. Hospitals can be scary places when you're a patient and I was able to utilize my doula skillz to help him stay calm. I think the funniest part was when the doctor came to update me and she explained how royally messed up his gallbladder was and then asked me if I wanted to see a picture of it! I balked and replied "I've only been with the guy for a few weeks, maybe I should ask him first?"  HA! 

November Part 2 was also interesting... so interesting that it gets it's own post... 

"So.... how did you two meet?"

I totally found him. So I get to write this post! I win!

We have the brains of okcupid.com to thank for our blissful happiness. We each had profiles up and were looking for similar things, but for some reason, the computer hadn't sent us towards each other until we'd been there for a few months. 

I was hooked from his cute smirk and his beginning line and his ending line in his profile. The beginning said something like, "I have my son full time and if that's a problem, move along." **ooooh!!! A sexy devoted daddy!!  Sign me up!**  And the last part really hit me... the profile had prompted him to answer, "You should message me if..." and he responded "you're ready for something real with a good man."  

Oh! I am! I am!!

So I emailed... and waited. He responded, chatting happened and within that first afternoon, a coffee date was arranged.  Coffee that was only supposed to go for one hour and before we knew it, two had passed and we didn't want to leave. More texting followed (I couldn't talk on the phone because I didn't want the girls to know I was dating)... and he asked me out for dinner the following weekend. Dinner at Tavolata's in Seattle was beautiful, and we talked and talked long past the meal.  He walked me to my car and kissed me in the light of a streetlamp, being serenaded by the ramblings of a crazy junkie up the steps from us... we didn't care. This was something amazing and no one could spoil our night! We met the following weekend for drinks and a movie and the next weekend we were done seeing other people. On October 26th, he asked me to be his and I've never looked back. 

That was easily my favorite October EVER.