So the last blog post here was about how we were going to go tell the kids about our Disney trip... then I got caught up in Disney-mania and then spring happened and spring is never calm... then I got pregnant. So the blog fell to the wayside. 

But I'm NOT pregnant anymore and I never will be again so I get to do this again!  Eventually, I will go make posts about things that happened this year and then this blog will be less swiss-cheesey. 

Anyway... about that baby...

That Ten. Pound. Baby. 

TEN. 

He came out in my bedroom. With no drugs. Because I'm amazing. 

Also? That really hurt. 

Also? Matthew caught him. On purpose!  

Here is the Slideshow done by the Amazing Jessica.

The Birth Story:
After two long weeks of false-starts and lots of contractions that went *nowhere*, our amazing Midwife, Jodilyn, was able to stretch my cervix wide open to 6cm at her office. I was down there with the Toddler and Matt was at work so we decided it was okay to "nudge" him a bit and get some good contractions going. I picked up the older crew from school, headed to Rite Aid for a bottle of Castor Oil and Rockstars for Matthew. :) We shuffled the kids off to their "people" and I chugged down a lovely glass of disgusting and waited for labor. 

The castor oil began working pretty quick... I was "busy" from about 7-10 pm back and forth between the potty and the bed to rest as the contractions picked up. Jodilyn reassured me that I'd know when it was real and I should sleep while I can. I was nervous that the contractions would stop (again) but I was able to doze from 10-12:30. Matt slept too which was lovely. The contractions picked up and by 1:30 I knew it was time to call in the troops so I did! I think everyone was there by 2:30, Jessica first, then Sean and baby Zoey, followed by Jodilyn and Tara. I was on the ball while Matt had been filling the tub and hopped in the tub around 2. Labor kicked into high gear as soon as the whole team was there and by 3:50, I was starting to push. :) I hadn't planned on birthing in the tub but the idea of getting out was really unappealing. I quickly recognized the feeling of pressure (ZOMG) and the noises I was making that told me I was pushing. Matthew was by my head but the plan was for him to catch so he swapped out with Sean who stroked my forehead and was pretty much just plain amazing. Everyone encouraged me and I kept pushing despite the feelings of "aw hell no" and "I can't do its". After about a half hour of pushing, I found a well of strength somewhere and decided I wasn't going to let him stay in any longer. He crowned and Matt was right there with Tara to help guide him up... He had a bit of a sticky shoulder that Jodilyn stepped in and helped with, and he was out! 

It was perfect. Painful, hard, blissful, a brand new experience and yet, familiar inside. 

Thank you so much to all of our birth team... I may add more details as the tired fades but right now, we are all 3 drunk on hormones and excited for our other kids to come meet their baby brother!!! 

Elijah Raymond
2/24/15 4:20am
10lbs and 22" long 
(and a 15" head ThankYouVeryMuch!)

Sooooo many people have asked me to share the plans for our Big Disney Trip so I'm going to start doing this in pieces... I've been dreaming of a trip to Disneyland since I first began dreaming of our wedding. Some of my fondest memories of my own blended sibling-hood were those of us at Disney. I am really looking forward to taking our crew in *eep!* a little over two weeks!!!  

The kids have NO idea that we're going and we do plan to surprise them this Thursday with a countdown calendar that says "19 days till DisneyLand" on it. We're really leaving 14 days from that date, but we decided to inflate the countdown and the night before the actual departure date, we will be ripping off the last few dates all at once to shave off the last of that horrible gut-wrenching "WHEN ARE WE LEAVING" anticipation. For our sanity as well as theirs.

I made this in about 2 minutes after my initial failed attempt using Mod Podge to try to stick it onto the wood plaque... I never claimed to be a smart crafty lady. Nails for the win!!!  

More on the crafty stuff later... what everyone wants to know is "how the hell do I make this work in my budget?!"

Here's my basic tips that have worked well for maximizing fun and funds in our family of 6:

• Fly Midweek. Tuesdays and Wednesdays have the best prices so if you can make that awkwardness work, it cuts your flights in half.
• Hotels can save you money. A lot of money. I refuse to stay anywhere that doesn't have a free breakfast, and I have come to find that a few of the hotels (Residence Inn and Homewood Suites) offer a "Managers Reception" aka "Free Dinner" on M-Th/F. Homewood Suites even includes free wine! WHAT!? 

• Our crew has a lovely smattering of food intolerances so we plan to get a hotel with a kitchen in it and I'm ordering a week's worth of lunch and snack groceries from Vons.com (aka Safeway) so I can picnic into the park. Free breakfast, free dinner half the nights, grocery lunch that I'd have bought if I was at home anyways and the only food expense we are looking at is a random treat in the park and Dinner a few nights while we're there.
• Park tickets: I'll save you the trouble... aResTravel.com has the cheapest. They're the only reputable site for online DisneyLand tickets and you save $5 or so per person. We also decided to cut corners and opt out of the "Park Hopper" version of the ticket. We are totally fine committing to one park per day and saving our dough.
• Skip the Rental Car. What a waste of money... seriously... you pay for the car, then you pay to gas the car, then you pay to park the car at the hotel and then you pay to park the car at the park! Insanity. 

...but Kate, how do you get places? With kids?! Da fuq?

• Airport to hotel: DisneyLand Resort Express from either Los Angeles Airport or Orange County/John Wayne Airport. Adults are $24 each way and kids ride free! Woot!
• Hotel to Disneyland: Anaheim Resort Transportation. Yeah. Disneyland has it's own bus system that has routes to all of the different hotels. Decent prices too... a 5 day pass is $20 for adults and $5 for kids 3+.

...and Disneyland is so expensive! What about all the crap they'll want?

• Souvenirs. Ahhh the "gimme gimme gimme's". I'm not looking forward to THAT with 4 kids. We're taking advantage of two super cheap things for the kids to do to commemorate the trip. Those pressed penny machines are EVERYWHERE so we'll crack out a roll of quarters and sift through the floors of the minivan for some shiny pennies and let the kids go nuts! I am also taking advantage of the pin-trading (thanks Aunt Carol for that gem!).  We bought the kids some Disney lanyards from Amazon and a lot of OFFICIAL trading pins to get them started. 

...ok this all sounds okay, but what about 4 kids on an airplane? 

• This is where you buy them presents. I'm not even going to attempt to "avoid screen time". I encourage it. Each kid will have their own device in their backpack along with Dollar Tree coloring books and snacks. We also got Bean and Bucket each a new game for their LeapPads that will be gift wrapped for them to open once we hit cruising altitude. We're lucky to be in Seattle so we only have a 3 hour flight. Boozer's tablet will be loaded up with movies and she'll have her books, plus we stuffed some PlayDoh and lollipops into Bit's backpack because I don't care about sugar or screen time during flights. It's every mother for herself!!! 

PHEW. That was a lot... I'm quite excited to tell the kids on Thursday and torture them for the days that follow. I'm still finalizing "the box" that will be the big reveal but it will likely be a big ol moving box stuffed with balloons and the countdown plaque wrapped in Disney paper with a big ass bow on top. The older kids will be super confused because we're letting them open it on Bit's birthday. But hey, she's 2 and will be thrilled with balloons as her "present". I promise to get a video and I promise to upload it at some point... if Matt can tell me how. 

See you in a few days for Part 2- The big reveal!  
Part 3 will be "Packing-gasm" 
Part 4 will be if/how we actually survived... EEK!

***What follows is the doula's retelling of the stillbirth of Samuel Finn, the beautiful firstborn son of Sean and Tim. Sam would have been 6 months old today.***

The anticipation leading up to Sean's birth was epic... Jane and I were sharing the honor of being Sean's doula and the squeee-fest that we shared during the morning of June 9th when Sean began to accept that labor was real had a palpable magnitude. Leading up to her birth, we had decided that while two doulas was not a normal situation, we'd totally rock it and balance the duties as best we could... how little we knew at that time about how necessary two doulas would be. I don't think I've ever been so excited as I headed off to a birth. I remember cruising along in Matt's car singing along to Billy Joel and getting out allllllll of my excitement so I could enter her space with a calm reverence for her birthing time.

I arrived at the house and found Seanie laboring in her room, still unconvinced that this was "it". I showed her that I was wearing my birthy-pants and that she knew better than to think I'd show up for a false alarm.  I have a life, ya know. :P She was amazing.  She rocked on the bed, she walked, I checked in with a nervous and tired Tim, and I took my "doula-pulse" of her labor pattern... strong contractions, coping well and they were beautifully spaced, not changing with position or external stimuli. She was drinking water (duh... anyone who knows Sean knows that her Camelbak is never far from reach), and we got her to choke down some rice crackers and hummus to help keep her energy up.  Jane arrived and after a bit more hanging around in laborland, Sean decided it was time for the tub. Tim and I set to work getting it assembled, and I decided that I wanted to get his beer-thermometer for my doula bag since it is perfect for getting the temperature of the birth pool. :)  I was still a bundle of excitement so I fussed around getting all of her birth kit supplies out and set up all pretty-like.

Sean got into the birth tub and was much more relaxed and comfortable... she was doing so well and was starting to feel pressure at the peaks of the contractions as they picked up in intensity. She rode her labor out like a champ. Toning and moving and being peaceful during the breaks.  At one point, she looked at Jane and I sitting by her side in the tub and said tearfully, "I know you guys are gonna laugh, but I have to say it..." we laughed lightheartedly as we knew what was coming and we said "yeah, we will... but say it anyways..." To which she replied, "I can't do this anymore!!!" and gave a quick chuckle herself before more tears came... her labor was taking a turn and Jane decided it was time to bring in Brandy (the midwife). Tim was doing an amazing job sitting near us, chatting, resting and holding a space of immense love for his wife and son. I began texting updates to Sean's mother, Carla, who was excitedly waiting for news. 

Eva arrived first and sat patiently in Sean's space, being calm and present. Brandy arrived shortly after and was absolutely beaming with the joy and excitement of being here (finally) ready to catch Sean's baby. Megan arrived at some point and had brought a treat for Sean (frozen cherries I think... I forget).  Whatever it was, it was like mana from heaven to this tired mama working hard in the tub.  After a bit of observing the labor, Eva took a round of Sean's vitals and they attempted to find the baby's heartbeat in the tub but it was a tough angle so Brandy suggested that Sean head to the toilet to pee and try again.  No luck on the toilet so we moved her to the bed to check her cervix and see if we could find heart tones.  

From this point, it becomes a blur.  The midwives quickly took turns searching for heart tones and checking Sean's pulse... the oxygen tank came out and I saw the fear and the flashbacks of Sean's meningitis battle wash over Tim's face.  He stepped out of the room and I followed him into the office to reassure him that this was one variation of normal and that she was in good hands. Sean was safe, I promised. If we needed to transfer, we would and it would be the best choice. 

As we walked back into the room, we passed Brandy arranging the transfer and I knew the look on her face. I looked at Jane and saw the fear she was trying desperately to hide in front of Sean.  At this point, I was thankful that Jane and I were there and somewhat share a brain.  I knew we had a few anxious minutes before Sean would be secured in the car, so I took Tim into the closet to distract him with packing things for a hospital stay. Clothes for him and Sean, toiletries, an outfit for the baby. At some point in here, I messaged Carla again with an update that we were transferring to Evergreen but I tried to be reassuring. 

We piled into the cars and I offered to take Tim with me (and try my best to keep him calm). He was so scared and while this was not my first transfer as a doula, it didn't have the same vibe as other transfers. Something was wrong.  I told Tim that it was likely she would head for an emergency cesarean if they diagnosed fetal distress... I had no idea what was going to happen but I tend to be plan oriented so I tried prepping him for the little things I knew would be standard. Arriving at the hospital. Don't leave her side. Tell her you love her and that she's safe. Trust the doctors... this isn't the time to question the things they will need to do. I think I reassured him that Sean and the baby were safe, but I wasn't convinced and I think that shone through.

We arrived at the hospital and more blur followed.  We shuffled her to her room and the nurses were prepped with monitors and tried to find heart tones. An ultrasound machine was brought in and I stood in between Brandy and a seated Tim, with tears we watched the stillness of the baby on the screen. A second doctor was rushed in to confirm what we already knew and Dr. Pfiefer looked at Sean and vaguely said "I'm so sorry. I don't know why these things happen." I remember being angry that he hadn't used more direct words, so I looked at Tim and asked him if he knew what that meant. He broke down and I led him over to Sean. Jane, Brandy and Megan all had the same mix of emotion on their face... anguish, disbelief, anger, sorrow, confusion... all hid behind that face a midwife is trained to show: strength. We would have our time to cry later. We needed to be strong. 

I turned to Jane and simply asked, "Carla?".  Jane kept her eyes on Sean and said, "Get her down here" and I left to make the call. I'm pretty sure it was some version of autopilot that took over me at that point. I knew she would see my call coming in and would be hoping it was news of her grandson's birth. I knew I had to say the words calmly and quickly. I explained as carefully as I could that Sean was healthy but the baby had died and we wanted her and Rick to come down to Evergreen. I told her to take a minute and scream and cry in her house... steel herself and come down, I'd meet her outside when she got here. 

Part of being a good doula is acknowledging and taking in our own self care in times of duress. I messaged Morgan on the way back into Sean's room because I needed her. I messaged Matt and my mother at some point too, but I can't remember when. I later found out that the wise women with me were all reaching out to their "people" as well... Jane to Jodilyn and Pat, Megan to Robin and Dave, and Brandy to Jozette. We knew we'd need our support as we supported Sean and Tim. 

Back in the birthing room, it was very still. Silent tears were falling and poor Sean was still in labor, contractions had slowed but she was not wanting to feel them. Fentanyl went in and an epidural was requested. 

Tim looked at me and choked out "I have to call my mom."  It was pretty much here that Jane and I really were thankful that we had two doulas. She gravitated to Sean, and I leaned into Sean who asked how Tim was doing... That's my Sean. The worst moment of her life thus far and she's worried about her husband. I promised her I would watch over him and support him as best I could. Tim and I left to go get the bag (with the cell phones in it) from the car and he asked me if there was any chance the baby was still ok. I told him there wasn't. He asked me what was going to happen and I said she would give birth and they would get to hold him. He wavered... he didn't want to see him.  I told him that was a totally natural reaction, and I said I think he'd probably feel differently later. This is still his son, and it's recommended to "say hello before you say goodbye".  We got the bags and the phones and sat on a bench to call his parents. His mom answered and he cried and tried to get the words out. At some point, I took the phone and explained what I knew to his mother. I promised we'd update throughout the day and as we turned to walk in, Carla and Rick arrived. They hugged Tim and cried with him and we turned to go back to Sean's room. 

The rest of the labor progressed slowly.  The epidural was placed and the test dose went in, but somehow the line was disconnected from the pump and she got no relief for an hour until this was discovered. The rest of that afternoon and evening was a series of random conversations, foot rubs, silent tears and hand holding.  I never let Tim out of my sight... even when he went to pee. He was probably uber annoyed with it, but at some point he accepted me as his shadow and when he needed to step out to call someone, eat or pee, he'd just wait for me.  During one walk, we passed a new father in the hall carrying his newborn baby and I wanted to scream at the hospital for not barricading the halls for Sean and Tim. 

I slowly let the people who knew she was in labor know about the baby. I messaged her close friends who had been at her blessingway and were patiently holding vigil over their labor candles, as well as our doula sisters who knew who's birth I was attending that day.  Love and prayers were sent, and suggestions of a photographer to capture the birth and first moments with him. I brought this suggestion to Sean and Tim, who took some time to think and then decided to bring in Rachel. She was prepped and flew like the wind to capture this time.

At some point later in the night, we realized we needed to eat and the cafeteria was closed. Morgan to the rescue... she brought an insane amount of food for all of us. Gluten-friendly foods and rescue remedy for Sean. I don't know if I needed the food more or I needed to see her face. I met her in the hospital entry way and collapsed in her arms. I hadn't cried yet and I allowed myself 2 minutes to do that before I went back in.  I think it was around now that I noticed Evergreen had put a rainbow on Sean's door. A signal to all who passed by that there had been a baby death in the room. I remember anger bubbling up... I've never hated a rainbow before but I wanted to rip that one to shreds and at the same time, I respected and was grateful for the care the hospital had taken to ensure their emotional security.

The rest of labor and pushing were hard. The night turned to morning. Sean had a horrible pinched muscle in her neck and her reflux was bubbling up as she worked.  I tried to keep pressure on her injured neck but totally kept literally dropping her head so Brandy took over.  Sean was numb and she was also pushing without the help of a baby who wriggled and turned as he descended. Sean was pushing with the brokenest of broken hearts possible and we were awestruck at her determination. Through all of this, she brought her son into the world with strength and love. Once the baby was down far enough, the doctor offered to assist with a vacuum and Sean agreed. I kept Tim and Sean's heads together and out of view of the vacuum and delivery. The nurse took the baby to the other side of the curtain to clean him and Jane and Rachel followed.  Sean and Tim cried and held each other. They steeled themselves for the greeting they were about to endure.  

Silently, they waited for the moment to feel right and when it did, Jane brought the baby in and handed him to his mother. 

He was perfect in nearly every way. They poured over him, looking at every feature and silently taking him in, until Sean turned to us and calmly said "This is Samuel Finn." Such strength.  We all greeted him and praised his name and features. We looked at his ginormous baby feet and touched his little hands. Sean turned to Tim and asked if he wanted to hold him.  Tim gathered every bit of strength he had and said, "He is my son, I should hold him." He propped himself up in the rocking chair with pillows and I gently took Sam from Sean and passed him to his father who held him tight.

Pictures were taken. Footprints were made. The nurses were amazing... speaking to Sam almost as if he was any other baby... calling him "buddy" and "little man" and saying "good lord you have big feet!" as they pressed them into the footprint mold. Rachel and I obsessed over which letter beads to use in his footprint mold... we all ate and drank and there was a sense of relief mixed in with the unimaginable sorrow. The labor had been hard and the anticipation of this moment was a strain. Once he was here, we were able to find the moments of joy in his presence. Sean and Tim made a damn cute baby. 

At some point, I got back in my car and Billy Joel was still on.  I decided to just dump some salt in the wound that I had been waiting to acknowledge, so I sang along to "Goodnight My Angel" on my way home, where tears flowed freely in the comfort of the arms of my mom and Matt.

I will forever be grateful for Samuel Finn and the imprint he left on my heart. Sean and Tim's love and devotion to each other was tangible in that room, and in the days and weeks that followed. I will never forget the strength I saw in Sean that day. She did what no mother should have to do and she did it with courage and love, the way mothers who have to say goodbye to their children do. 

Thank you Sean and Tim, for the gift of your son.

Our wedding was pure perfection... It is shown best in pictures, our children were amazing, our family and friends were joyful, we really truly couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. 

Wedding week is here!  I have 5 days to finalize all of the things and I'm SO excited! 

The deets: The wedding is small-ish. 75 attendees and it will be held in the GORGEOUS backyard wooded garden at Matt's parent's home on Bainbridge Island. Our approach with this wedding has been: keep it simple. We wrote our own ceremony, wrote our own vows, we're potcucking side dishes and appetizers and it has been amazing to see our family and friends pulling together to help us join forces against the powers of evil. Er, I mean, children. No. I mean, children aren't evil. Well, ok... most children aren't evil. Ours might be, we're currently awaiting blood cultures on that. 

MOVING ON. Boozer is my bridesmaid, Bucket is the flower girl, we don't know what Bit will do but we're attempting having her walk down the aisle with a pinwheel. Bean refused all notions of being a ring bearer and decided he will be a ninja. We're rolling with it because it's his wedding too!

So I know I've missed out a bit... June was absolute insanity... but hey! Matt and I are engaged!!!  No. I'm not pregnant. Stop asking. 

So, how did he do it?!?!  Here's the deal... when you're a Super Hero, it's really hard to get surprised. When you're ME and a Super Hero, it's damn near impossible. Did I know he was going to do it? Yep. Did I help pick out the ring? Totally. Did I see the ring once it was in his hot little hands? Not until he was on one knee. Did I know WHEN or WHERE it was going to happen? I had ideas... and though I ruled out "Disneyland" and "Hoth", I was still caught off guard when he did ask. 

Firstly, it is not unknown that Matt is a old soul, much like myself, so he did go through the traditional steps of asking for my parents' blessings. He ALSO is a smart man and knew that while I wanted my parent's blessing, I needed the permission of those beings that actually rule my life, my daughters.  He asked the girls in the car the day before he proposed and (I'm told) that they were ecstatic and told him they absolutely wanted him to ask me to marry him!  He told the girls his plan and those little buggers kept their mouths shut and didn't tell me a thing!  

This week was the first time in about 6 months that all of our kids have been with their other parents at the same time. I'm not kidding... they stars just don't align for us to get a break, so when they do, we take full advantage of it!!! We went to our favorite theatre last night to see "World War Z"... they serve booze there, which was really the only way I was going to endure a Zombie movie. After that, we sat around for a few minutes going "welp... NOW what?"  Then we decided to cross town and hit up another theater to see "Man of Steel" JUST BECAUSE WE CAN. Two movies in one night? It was great. I slept in this morning and while Matt worked from home, I skipped off to the spa for a few hours of pampering before our big date this evening.  I knew he'd made reservations at the place where we'd had our first date (and yes... suspicions were high) but he swooped in for a sneak attack in the parking lot behind the restaurant.  That was the spot where we had our first kiss back in October... complete with some crackhead yelling at us from the top of the stairwell.  He stopped in the spot, kissed me and said "We should make another memory here" and dropped to one knee.  A simple "Will you marry me?" was all he could get out before I said YES and pulled him up for a kiss. We were actually quite pleased when another crackhead stumbled by mumbling something about squeezing juice and peanuts... we like tradition so we silently thanked the crackhead for adding to the romance and reminding us of our first kiss. 

This summer is now going to go SUPER fast as we are insanely planning to hold a simple backyard wedding in 7 weeks. Yeah, we know... we're nuts... but school starts soon and I want to change my name!  Plus, when you know what your heart wants, why wait? I've never been more certain of anything in my life... this man is my best friend, my soulmate, the most amazing father I have ever known and he has shown me the depths of true love and trust. Plus, he makes me laugh and smile way more often than he makes me pull my hair out so I say "I DO!"  

Bring it on Summer of 2013... you're going to be epic! 

This June is nearly impossible to blog... so much change and happiness, and so much sadness. So I'm telling it through pictures... as they speak more appropriately than my words at times....

The girls spent the first weekend in June at the Ocean with my family celebrating my grandfather's 80th birthday... Matt and I hung back with Bean and Bit because I had too many mommies waiting to have babies! I do love this picture though... my family is so blessed to have such amazing grandparents in our life. 

Tragedy struck this month in the cruelest way it can given what I do for work. My dear friends Sean and Tim gave birth to a gorgeous stillborn baby boy, Samuel Finn on June 10th.  I can't bring myself to write much more than this at the moment. The strength I have seen through the love of those two parents has left me humbled beyond words. I will attempt words at some point, as he left a beautiful footprint in this world and in the hearts of many people. Peace be with you, Sweet Sam.

FOUR doula-babies made their arrival in the last weeks of June. One baby was born the day before Father's Day, two babies were born (on the same day) while Matt was in Connecticut and one last one held out until the end of June. I was impressed with myself when it came to finding the inner strength to attend these labors... watching my friend suffer the heartache no mother should ever endure was enough to make me hang up my Rebozo but I sucked it up and found that being in those birth rooms with those parents and the new healthy wriggling babies was enough to reignite the spark I thought had gone out of my doula-engine.  

I turned the basement apartment that was formerly occupied by my mom into a playroom! This was exciting... I channelled all of my sorrow and pain after Sam's passing into making an epic playroom and I was pretty proud (and tired) after it was done!

Then Bean got sick. Super sick. It was NOT fun... he had a wicked high fever for nearly a week and we took him into the hospital worried out of our heads that it was something horrid. The guess is it was a virus but YIKES it was not fun seeing all of the energy tapped from his little energetic self. 

So really?  June can be done... I'm ready for July and the rest of the summer!!!

June is here! We survived the last two weeks of moving all of Matt's stuff into my house, finding space for the essential things and relishing the fact that we are finally *here* in what we've referred to as "Phase 4" since the beginning. Transitioning between Phase 3 and 4 has been an expectedly bumpy but lovely time.

Most of the day to day stuff has been the same... Matt's new job is off and running and he's loving it. Ramona spent last week at sleep-away camp for 3 nights with her whole school and she was nervous but did amazingly well thanks to the other-mothers who could tend to her at camp since I hung behind to wait on doula-babies. Hulk and Princess have been on my heels and people still ask me "Oh they're so sweet... are they twins?" nearly every time I take them anywhere. I'm tempted to just answer "yes", normally I give a quick "they're six months apart, we're a blended family"; but lately I've gotten lazy and the last woman who asked me got a "Nope! But you're close!" as I rushed down the grocery aisle. The Baby is cutting molars so children asking me silly questions like "What time is it?" will earn them a sleep-deprived, "Potatoes... and no whining!"  It makes sense. Totally. 

The new changes are presenting themselves in fairly expected ways... Matt and I have been single for so long we seem to have forgotten what it was like to live with another capable adult human-partner.  We both seem surprised when the other one has done something like laundry, dishes or taken the trash out. We've been used to having evenings together a few times per week and making the most of those evenings talking and catching up on the week's progress, but now that we have EVERY night from now until forever, we are slowly slipping into the beautifully quiet routine of MacBooks and Netflix after the kids are thrown in their beds. I'm loving it!  

We are also now together with the kids a lot more than we were before and that presents it's own set of challenges. Lately our tendency has been to double-parent. One of us will catch a little one in the midst of some shenanigan and begin disciplinary tactics. We're noticing that if one parent begins to discipline one of the others' kids, the bio-parent will step in and help with the discipline, as a way to show solidarity and support of the non-biological parent. You can imagine how this has looked to the kids!!  These kids are used to ONE parent, and now there's TWO! They're outnumbered!  Luckily we caught onto this pretty quickly and agreed to let the first parent on the scene take the role as lead detective.  This seems to be going smoother but it is something we are still learning. We're pretty good at being able to recognize when we've started double parenting and backing off, or reminding the other parent that we have it handled. It is tricky because I don't want Matt to feel like he *has* to keep "my" kids in line and Matt doesn't want me to feel like his son is too much extra. Neither of these insecurities are based in anything either of us has said or done, it is simply an insecurity we're pretty sure most blended families have in the beginning and one we're pretty sure will fade with time as we grow to trust the other more and we continue to find our groove with the kids.  

The other new trick we've been trying is avoiding the answer "no". Not in the hippie earth mama "kids are all precious gems and should be allowed to be free and do as they wish" bullshit, but in the spirit of "holy hell, if you throw another tantrum because I said you can't watch Power Puff girls three minutes before we leave for school, you will find me curled up in the closet with a box of wine and your 8 month old Halloween candy stash YES I STILL HAVE YOUR CANDY STASH, SO WHAT?!"  We've been crafty with our answers and it is proving to be quite magical... 

What normally happens:
Hulk: Daddy can I play with your phone?
Matt: No.
Hulk: BUT PLEASE!!! I REAWWY WANT TO PLAY ANGRY BIRDS
Matt: Not right now. Go play.
Hulk: But Daddy I want to play with your phone NOW. I don't WANT to go play!
Matt: I SAID NO. Not right now, I need it for work[Twitter], maybe later but not if you act like THIS about it.

What ACTUALLY happened-

Hulk: Daddy can I play with your phone?
Matt: After Dinner. 
Hulk: Okay! *runs off to play*
Matt (to me): Holy Frack, that worked. 

It's genius but so so so simple. Kids want to hear what they CAN do, not what they CAN'T do. So tell them when they *do* get to have that cookie, or that they can watch Power Puff Girls after school. We're even finding that if it's a thing the child is usually fickle about, responding with a cheerful "oh that sounds like fun! Let's do that in a little bit!" causes them to skip away and most of the time, they forget about it!!! It's like we've discovered a tiny Jedi Mind Trick for children. I want to wave my hand in front of their faces and say "These aren't the Fruit Snacks you are looking for... move along... move along..."

Hummm... maybe I'll do that tomorrow just for fun. Getting weird looks from a child who earlier was seen hanging a plastic clip-on-earring off a certain dangly body part and rocking their hips whilst chanting "tick tock tick tock", reminds you that you aren't that cool and it is good to occasionally be reminded that we're not that cool. 

Occasionally life throws you a SERIOUS loop and you're left going "Welp. THAT happened." 

This week's loop was in the form of an exploding kitchen sink at Matt's apartment that has accelerated his projected move-in date from July to oh, you know, last night. 

That's all I have time to write for now... I'll fill in more later. Gotta go pick up Bean from school and go wade through sewage-covered carpets to find stuff for them to bring to my house. 

*  *  *  *  * 
Ok. I'm back now... ew. EW. That apartment reeks of nasty kitchen sink water.  But I acquired dirty clothes to wash and all the appropriate Man-juj to help my co-Captain stay pretty and smell nice. I also grabbed Bean's "Angry Birds" bedding and his sleeping friends so we can set up his bed at home with all of the necessaries. 

The kids more or less knew this was coming... Boozer has known for months that the boys would be moving in "at some point". Bean has gradually acclimated to this change through his sleepovers and he is gleefully accepting that this is his new home. I'm a bit surprised actually. I think we expected a bit of resistance from him. 

Bucket is slowly warming. Yesterday we decided to start telling the kids that "it was possible" that they'd live with us [we didn't specify duration] because of the exploding sink. She was not thrilled with the idea of sharing a room with Hulk, which struck us as odd because she's always loved having him over for a sleepover and the space we have had set up in the house for him for the last few months is in her room. During the discussions last night she said she wanted Baby to move into her room and Hulk to stay with Boozer. When asked why she wanted that, she said that he talks to her when she's sleeping and that is annoying... but then proceeded to excitedly suggest that we set up walkie talkies between his room and hers so they can talk. Uh... okay?  Sometimes, logic is lost on little ones that age so I find it best to just let them be. When my kids are left to babble about their thoughts on tough subjects and I simply reflect or repeat what they are saying back to them, I find it gets them through the mental jungle easier. Slower, but easier.

Matt and I have been reading an EXCELLENT book about the brains of small ones, "The Whole Brain Child" by Dan Siegel and it's been really helpful when the kids (namely Bean and Bucket) find injustice in their little worlds. It is so easy for us as grown adult humans to try and impart logic on our children and we are easily frustrated when they "just don't get it". Really though, it is we that are lost. Children are emotion driven and they lack the bridge to logical thinking. It is our job to help them build a bridge to that way of thinking and rationalizing, and that bridge starts with grounding their emotions and letting them feel things. They feel things SO much more intensely than we do, and that scares most adults so we immediately try to help the child see the logic so they don't feel the pain. We skip over acknowledging their pain and letting them feel how it feels to be sad/angry/betrayed/hurt and then let them feel that feeling fade as they come to their own logical reasoning. When we take a step back and see the process unfolding in our youngsters, it is pretty amazing!

I realized that the first discussions last night were both ill-timed. I first told them as we were driving away from picking up Boozer from school. Boozer was excitedly telling me about her time with her dad and what she'd done in school that day and was talking over Bucket as she was trying to voice her concerns about sharing a room with Bean. It was also "transition day" meaning Bean and I hadn't seen the girls in a few days and Bean was busy trying to get Bucket to play with him. She was simply overwhelmed, unheard and she totally wigged out. I had tried again later that night (again in the car) but I neglected to acknowledge that the kids were a- fresh out of swimming lessons and therefore tired and b-ready for dinner. 

I brought up the merge again with Bucket this morning while the rest of the kids were in school. She seems to be more responsive when I can focus on her and her alone. This morning's conversation was much more productive. She was fed, rested and it was only her and I so I could really listen to her concerns. Matt and I had talked the night before and had agreed that while we do strive to put the needs of the children first and respect their timing, this was a situation where we had to put the needs of the family as a whole before that of a child who wasn't on the same page yet. So while she did tell me the things she was worried about, I was able to reflect back her statements, letting her know she was heard and then end our conversation with "I hear you sweetie, and I will do what I can to make this fun for our whole family. They will be staying with us and if you're really unhappy later on, we can talk about moving the bedroom assignments around."  She was satisfied and led the conversation away without my guidance to discussions of pink frosted doughnuts and Doc McStuffins. 

This week could prove to be a really intense one with the kids and our family as a whole. Matt starts a new job (YAY!) on Monday and we need to pack and move everything out of his place and move about 1/5th of it into mine and the rest into a storage unit for a month. I am starting to go on call for the Babies I have coming up in June (and there's a lot of them!) so I want to make sure my house is functional for the weeks ahead!

Bring it on, June! BRING. IT. ON!

Double Birthdays.
Double Houses.
Double Chaos.

You know that moment when you meet someone and during a normal conversation you happen to mention your birthdate and they look at you and say "Oh no way! That's my/my sisters/my mothers birthday too!"  Well, Matt and I had that conversation last fall when we were getting to know each other. It went something like this-

K: "Well, my oldest will be 7 on May 13th and-" 
M: "MAY 13th??!" 
K: "Yeah... why?"
M: "That's Bean's birthday..." 
K: "Well hunh. THAT will be an interesting week..."
K and M: *crickets*

Guess what? It's May! The kids have birthdays next Monday and I'm staring down a Pirate-Themed double-birthday so-not-even-planned-yet invites-still-going-out-because-I'm-a-slacker party in 4 days. Costco needs to happen. Epic decor needs to happen. Games and favor bags need to happen. I also need an eyepatch because, well, I do. 

Today also happens to be one of those days where I'm running two houses at once. At the moment I literally have laundry going at one house, dishes going at the other, I swung to Matt's apartment after school pickup to get chicken from the freezer to grill at my house while Matt sets up the swing set we got for the kids' birthdays. I also just remembered that I forgot to grab Drano from my house {sorry babe} to pour down his poor drain that is unfamiliar with having a hairy female present. Hehehe.

Also, Boozer has been requesting "mommy-only" time and I need to find a way to make that work. Bucket gets mommy-only time while Boozer and Bean are at school and Bit is napping, Bit gets it on the days that the girls are with their dad and Bean is at school and Bean gets Kate-time the days that all 3 girls are with their dad but poor Boozer is never in the position to get time with my undivided attention and I am determined to make that work. She holds so much weight on her little almost-7-year-old shoulders and I want to make sure she knows that I see her. I keep thinking "Geeze, doesn't she know how hard I'm working on this Giant Pirate Party for her and the things I do every day to show her I love her?"  Really, though, no amount of party-awesomeness and stolen moments compare to taking her out on her own with just TIME. That's really all kids want from us and it's usually the thing we have the hardest time giving them despite the ease and low price of this gift. 

Constantly considering the kids. Constantly. I know some people might think it's extreme or that Matt and I are putting our life and needs as a couple on hold by working this life around our children. We strongly disagree. There are times that we put ourselves first, when necessary. Overall though, our goal for our life is to be together forever. That starts with a good foundation and our kids are that foundation. They will be the center focus of our life for a long time and the easier we can make this for them, the less problems we will have down the road for all of us.