Occasionally life throws you a SERIOUS loop and you're left going "Welp. THAT happened." 

This week's loop was in the form of an exploding kitchen sink at Matt's apartment that has accelerated his projected move-in date from July to oh, you know, last night. 

That's all I have time to write for now... I'll fill in more later. Gotta go pick up Bean from school and go wade through sewage-covered carpets to find stuff for them to bring to my house. 

*  *  *  *  * 
Ok. I'm back now... ew. EW. That apartment reeks of nasty kitchen sink water.  But I acquired dirty clothes to wash and all the appropriate Man-juj to help my co-Captain stay pretty and smell nice. I also grabbed Bean's "Angry Birds" bedding and his sleeping friends so we can set up his bed at home with all of the necessaries. 

The kids more or less knew this was coming... Boozer has known for months that the boys would be moving in "at some point". Bean has gradually acclimated to this change through his sleepovers and he is gleefully accepting that this is his new home. I'm a bit surprised actually. I think we expected a bit of resistance from him. 

Bucket is slowly warming. Yesterday we decided to start telling the kids that "it was possible" that they'd live with us [we didn't specify duration] because of the exploding sink. She was not thrilled with the idea of sharing a room with Hulk, which struck us as odd because she's always loved having him over for a sleepover and the space we have had set up in the house for him for the last few months is in her room. During the discussions last night she said she wanted Baby to move into her room and Hulk to stay with Boozer. When asked why she wanted that, she said that he talks to her when she's sleeping and that is annoying... but then proceeded to excitedly suggest that we set up walkie talkies between his room and hers so they can talk. Uh... okay?  Sometimes, logic is lost on little ones that age so I find it best to just let them be. When my kids are left to babble about their thoughts on tough subjects and I simply reflect or repeat what they are saying back to them, I find it gets them through the mental jungle easier. Slower, but easier.

Matt and I have been reading an EXCELLENT book about the brains of small ones, "The Whole Brain Child" by Dan Siegel and it's been really helpful when the kids (namely Bean and Bucket) find injustice in their little worlds. It is so easy for us as grown adult humans to try and impart logic on our children and we are easily frustrated when they "just don't get it". Really though, it is we that are lost. Children are emotion driven and they lack the bridge to logical thinking. It is our job to help them build a bridge to that way of thinking and rationalizing, and that bridge starts with grounding their emotions and letting them feel things. They feel things SO much more intensely than we do, and that scares most adults so we immediately try to help the child see the logic so they don't feel the pain. We skip over acknowledging their pain and letting them feel how it feels to be sad/angry/betrayed/hurt and then let them feel that feeling fade as they come to their own logical reasoning. When we take a step back and see the process unfolding in our youngsters, it is pretty amazing!

I realized that the first discussions last night were both ill-timed. I first told them as we were driving away from picking up Boozer from school. Boozer was excitedly telling me about her time with her dad and what she'd done in school that day and was talking over Bucket as she was trying to voice her concerns about sharing a room with Bean. It was also "transition day" meaning Bean and I hadn't seen the girls in a few days and Bean was busy trying to get Bucket to play with him. She was simply overwhelmed, unheard and she totally wigged out. I had tried again later that night (again in the car) but I neglected to acknowledge that the kids were a- fresh out of swimming lessons and therefore tired and b-ready for dinner. 

I brought up the merge again with Bucket this morning while the rest of the kids were in school. She seems to be more responsive when I can focus on her and her alone. This morning's conversation was much more productive. She was fed, rested and it was only her and I so I could really listen to her concerns. Matt and I had talked the night before and had agreed that while we do strive to put the needs of the children first and respect their timing, this was a situation where we had to put the needs of the family as a whole before that of a child who wasn't on the same page yet. So while she did tell me the things she was worried about, I was able to reflect back her statements, letting her know she was heard and then end our conversation with "I hear you sweetie, and I will do what I can to make this fun for our whole family. They will be staying with us and if you're really unhappy later on, we can talk about moving the bedroom assignments around."  She was satisfied and led the conversation away without my guidance to discussions of pink frosted doughnuts and Doc McStuffins. 

This week could prove to be a really intense one with the kids and our family as a whole. Matt starts a new job (YAY!) on Monday and we need to pack and move everything out of his place and move about 1/5th of it into mine and the rest into a storage unit for a month. I am starting to go on call for the Babies I have coming up in June (and there's a lot of them!) so I want to make sure my house is functional for the weeks ahead!

Bring it on, June! BRING. IT. ON!

Double Birthdays.
Double Houses.
Double Chaos.

You know that moment when you meet someone and during a normal conversation you happen to mention your birthdate and they look at you and say "Oh no way! That's my/my sisters/my mothers birthday too!"  Well, Matt and I had that conversation last fall when we were getting to know each other. It went something like this-

K: "Well, my oldest will be 7 on May 13th and-" 
M: "MAY 13th??!" 
K: "Yeah... why?"
M: "That's Bean's birthday..." 
K: "Well hunh. THAT will be an interesting week..."
K and M: *crickets*

Guess what? It's May! The kids have birthdays next Monday and I'm staring down a Pirate-Themed double-birthday so-not-even-planned-yet invites-still-going-out-because-I'm-a-slacker party in 4 days. Costco needs to happen. Epic decor needs to happen. Games and favor bags need to happen. I also need an eyepatch because, well, I do. 

Today also happens to be one of those days where I'm running two houses at once. At the moment I literally have laundry going at one house, dishes going at the other, I swung to Matt's apartment after school pickup to get chicken from the freezer to grill at my house while Matt sets up the swing set we got for the kids' birthdays. I also just remembered that I forgot to grab Drano from my house {sorry babe} to pour down his poor drain that is unfamiliar with having a hairy female present. Hehehe.

Also, Boozer has been requesting "mommy-only" time and I need to find a way to make that work. Bucket gets mommy-only time while Boozer and Bean are at school and Bit is napping, Bit gets it on the days that the girls are with their dad and Bean is at school and Bean gets Kate-time the days that all 3 girls are with their dad but poor Boozer is never in the position to get time with my undivided attention and I am determined to make that work. She holds so much weight on her little almost-7-year-old shoulders and I want to make sure she knows that I see her. I keep thinking "Geeze, doesn't she know how hard I'm working on this Giant Pirate Party for her and the things I do every day to show her I love her?"  Really, though, no amount of party-awesomeness and stolen moments compare to taking her out on her own with just TIME. That's really all kids want from us and it's usually the thing we have the hardest time giving them despite the ease and low price of this gift. 

Constantly considering the kids. Constantly. I know some people might think it's extreme or that Matt and I are putting our life and needs as a couple on hold by working this life around our children. We strongly disagree. There are times that we put ourselves first, when necessary. Overall though, our goal for our life is to be together forever. That starts with a good foundation and our kids are that foundation. They will be the center focus of our life for a long time and the easier we can make this for them, the less problems we will have down the road for all of us. 

Today was one of those rare days (no, really rare... think unicorn in a haystack located in a frozen hell with flying pigs riding singing fat ladies) that we had NO outside plans... no birthday parties, no client visits for me, no major errands to run, no lessons or classes of any sort for any child or adult. So what did we do? The great domestic American summer pasttime! YARDWORK!  Super exciting, hunh?  We spent the morning dragging all the kids through Home Depot in search of the perfect lawnmower and left with a weed whacker and stuff to start an herb garden. Heh. The kids were troopers and only whined about half the time so I consider it a successful venture. After that it was off to the grocery store, then to a park for a picnic lunch followed by another trip to the grocery store to get the stuff we forgot from the first round, and THEN home to whack the weeds and plant the herbs!

One of the fun things about blending a family (well, fun for me anyways) is the looks I get in public when they see me out with all four kids. While Matt was meticulously scrutinizing weed whackers, I was parked with the cart a few feet away playing "pick up the sippy cup the baby keeps dropping and handing it back to her because I'm a dumbass" while Boozer told me jokes and Bucket and Bean pulled on the drawstrings of my skirt. The drawstrings had a purpose... I don't really have eyes in the back of my head, so by turning my skirt around and letting each of them have a string to hold, I know they are within the general vicinity and I don't actually have to look at them. The sweet older woman across the aisle who was observing the chaos smiled sweetly and said "They're so beautiful!" to which I gave an easy, "thanks!" and a smile. It took me awhile to get here though. The first few times I got a "They're all so well behaved!" or a "Wow that's a lot of kids!" I'd panic and say "oh they're not all mine!!" like I was going to offend Bean by accepting that he was a) well behaved or b) a child in my care. Now I just smile and thank them for whatever they said. I love it when my little flock attracts positive attention. While I usually have a little voice in my head saying "Seriously? This lady must be high." I also have a voice saying "what does *she* see that you don't see?" and I'm given an opportunity to appreciate what a gift I have surrounding me despite the chaos of having my skirt yanked down in the middle of Home Depot as I bend for the sippy cup at the same time Bean and Bucket decide to waterski with my skirt strings. These kids ARE beautiful and I get the joy of seeing that beauty grow every day. 

The rest of the day was blissfully domestic and normal. One of us inside with the sleeping baby cleaning the kitchen and preparing dinner while the other one destroys the overgrown forest that is my yard. The kids checked almost everything off the "typical summer day" checklist: Found roly-poly bugs and made "habitats" in jars. Bucket's was full of flowers, Bean's was full of dirt. Pretty predictable. They chased down the ice cream truck with money from the Tooth Fairy. They rode bikes, played with sidewalk chalk, got sunburned, "helped" us in the yard and we capped it all off by filling up the kiddie pool and letting them loose. We grilled burgers and corn on the cob with my mom, made margaritas and ate outside on the deck in the beautiful Seattle sunlight. Days like today don't happen often for single parents... if ever. As a single parent, you learn quickly that you will only be able to get half of the things done while the kids are awake. The rest has to wait (or be skipped).  

We are on the path towards big-happy-family and though it's still a few months off, when there are days that go swimmingly, we take it as a sign that we're doing it right and the kids are adjusting well. It is never easy when bedtime rolls around and Matt and Bean have to pack up and head to their house, but we know that the kids aren't quite ready for full time family-hood. I know our patience will be worth it when we merge with the confidence of having followed the pace set by our kids and letting them know through our actions that they are important, stable and loved.